Lonlieness

I have been in my cabin for the last couple of hours. The first time since Spankee passed. I tried working in the office today, but I was completely exhausted and came here to rest.  I slept hard for two straight hours until I had to attend an online meeting.  I can feel Spankee's spirit and his energy here.  I have been asking and asking him to come to me, but he hasn't, until now.  

I have been feeling badly that Henry, Taz's cat, did not get a chance to say goodbye to Spankee.  The last time he saw Spankee was when we celebrated Christmas on December 15th.  Henry has now taken to laying in front of the heater, which was a place Spankee liked.  Sometimes he goes to the door and looks out and I wonder if he's watching for Spankee.  Probably not, but who can say for sure?

I expected to grieve.  I did not expect the toll this grieving is taking on my physical body.  I am absolutely spent and have little energy for anything but resting and reading.  I have been going for walks in the morning with Taz and Zip and an occasional beachwalk later in the day, but I am most often completely wiped.